the final step . .

I couldn’t sleep last night and drove to the hospital at 2:30AM. This was day 56.

Pat was awake, sort of.  I put my arms around her the best I could, what with all the tubing and dialysis equipment hooked up to her.  I asked her if she needed some more strength.  Pat clearly replied: “God said for you to keep it, you’re going to need it.”

One of her doctors came in about 9:00 and told me that nothing was working for her. Another doctor came in with the same news.  I agreed, and told him I wanted all that stuff taken off and wanted her peaceful and in no pain.  They did this for us.

Pat passed away less than two hours later.

Words cannot express how I feel.  There is some relief, too, knowing that she is not suffering any longer.

.Now comes the mechanics of dealing with the processes of death.

It is going to be very lonely around here.

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56 Comments on “the final step . .”

  1. JoAnn MacAulay says:

    I feel your hurt and know you did all you could do. God bless you.
    So sorry to see her go. She will be missed.

  2. Jill says:

    Oh, Rick, I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. I lost my lifetime partner 8 years ago. He was a good man and I miss him every day. It was a pleasure getting to know Pat through her blog and seeing the world through her eyes. She was a kind, gentle woman who appreciated all the beauty this world has to offer. She is lucky to have had you by her side. I’m still hoping your dear Chloe found her way into another loving home.

    • Vicki Kidwell says:

      I’m so sad, Rick. Yet another part of our family gone. Please try and stay strong and know that she devoted her life to you through her love for you, as you did for her. She is with Aunt Renee and Uncle Miles, smiling with no pain or suffering. You will see her again. She taught my Mom about the “Rainbow Bridge” for our beloved pets, of which my Mom taught me. I will never forget her for that. God Speed ❤

  3. Kathy says:

    I am very sorry for your loss. I’ve followed Pat’s blog for months and have truly enjoyed it. My prayers are with you and your family.

  4. Patrizia M. says:

    I am speechless, I feel sorry immensely, I never thought of getting to read this very sad news.
    I will miss him very much. A big hug, be strong Rick, she will always be next to you, it will be in your heart.

  5. TexWisGirl says:

    i am so very sorry. she was a loving soul, a loyal blogger friend, and a great nature lover and photographer. she will return strength to you now. i am so deeply sorry.

  6. einfachtilda says:

    Das macht mich sehr traurig, kann das nicht fassen ❤ ❤ ❤

  7. Mother Hen says:

    Reblogged this on Words Like Honey and commented:
    Pat will live on through the beauty of her artistic touch and love for nature and those she loved. Rest in Peace…gentle lady..

  8. Mother Hen says:

    Dear Rick, like many others I knew Pat from her beautiful photography and the sweet birds and animals that she captured. I am so very sorry to hear this today. May God comfort your heart each and every day..

  9. Lara/Trace says:

    My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

  10. So sorry to hear about Pat. May she rest in peace!

  11. Evelyn in Oregon says:

    I am so sorry for your terrible loss! I knew Pat only through her wonderful blog…and the fabulous personal portraits of the cats and Chloe. I can’t adequately express my sorrow for you right now.

  12. Susanne says:

    I just found your blog this morning but I’m so sorry for your loss.

  13. It is so sad to say goodbye.

  14. Rick,
    I am so terribly sorry for you loss of your beloved and my blog friend, Pat!
    Chandra

  15. I want to express my sincere sympathy at your loss. May God now give you the strength to work through the grieving process. Peace to you both.

  16. Lisa Gordon says:

    Rick, I know that there are no words to comfort you, and my heart breaks for you.
    Please know how very, very sorry I am.
    Pat was such a kind soul, and brought so much beauty to this space. She will be so missed.
    Pat was right. You will need the strength now, and she would want you to be strong.

    Over the past many weeks, I have seen such an outpouring of love for Pat, here. You have the support and strength of all of us here, so when you feel you need it, all you need do is let us know. I for one, will be here.

    May God bless you, Rick. May all the wonderful memories you have of Pat, bring you some comfort.

    Fly high, dearest Pat. You will be missed.

  17. Brian King says:

    My sincerest condolences. I’m deeply saddened. Pat was a regular visitor to my blog and will be sorely missed. I don’t know what else to say. Bless you, Rick.

  18. Mike says:

    I am so very sorry.

  19. Robin says:

    Rick, my deepest condolences to you!

  20. Rick my heart goes out to you right now. Tears are flowing and even though I never met Pat in person I feel as if I knew her through her blog and wonderful photos. I know how much we in the blogging world will miss her and can only imagine the sorrow you feel right now. I’ve never lost a spouse but have dealt with the loss of a parent and death is never easy to deal with no matter who you are or who is it that you’ve lost. – May God give you strength as you go through this adjustment period and just know that we are here if you need to chat. She will be missed by all.

  21. Pat’s blog at Bailey Road was the first one I joined and I enjoyed her artistic nature, beautiful photos and gentle humor over the years. She will be deeply missed, and you will be in my prayers.

  22. ladyfi says:

    I have no words… Nothing I say can comfort you. Just to say I’m so very very sorry. I came to know Pat through her amazing photos here on her blog. She’ll be missed. My thoughts are with you…

  23. Gunilla says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She will be missed.

  24. Mascha says:

    Have no words… 😦

    (I think, you have heared her call in the night – )

  25. Pia says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Here, please have some strength if you need to borrow. Thanks for letting us know.

  26. Margaret Adamson says:

    Hi Rick

    I am so dreadfully sorry to hear the news. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I write this. You must be devastated, tired and feel alone without her but happy to know she is now out of pain and suffering and with our Lord.

    My heartfelt prayers go out to you at this time. She will not only be missed by you but by all of us.

    I have only been a blogger for two and a half years but in that time I am amazed how you get yo know and love other bloggers, even through we never met Sent from my iPad

    >

  27. Margaret says:

    Dear Rick

    I am so dreadfully sorry to hear the news. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I write this. You must be devastated, tired and feel alone without her but happy to know she is now out of pain and suffering and with our Lord.

    My heartfelt prayers go out to you at this time. She will not only be missed by you but by all of us.

    I have only been a blogger for two and a half years but in that time I am amazed how you get yo know and love other bloggers, even through we never met. God be with you at this time and the days, years and months ahead

  28. arlene says:

    So very sorry to hear this. My heartfelt condolences.

  29. petra says:

    I’m so, so sorry. even though I’ve never met her in real life I will miss her and the beauty she created and shared with the world. thinking of you and sending lots of love.

  30. I am so sorry Rick… my heart breaks for you. I wish words and heartfelt thoughts could change all of this. She took a break saying she had to take care of some health issues and now we all have lost a wonderfully gifted and kind woman. I will miss her beautiful view from her camera and her words. Thinking of you and thanking you for sharing with us during this incredibly hard time.

  31. Linda Kay says:

    Rick, thank you so much for keeping us informed. God bless you in your sorrow.

  32. Leora says:

    Rick, so sorry to hear. So painful. May the good memories help you through this difficult time. Best wishes.

  33. Eileen says:

    Hello, I am can express how deeply sorry I am for your loss. Pat will be missed here in blogland. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  34. AndysLens says:

    My sincerest condolences and my God’s grace wrapped around yu and your family during this time.

  35. andipab says:

    Rick, my deepest condolences to you !

  36. I am shocked & dumbfounded. I am so sorry . I lost my husband of 40 years last May , I will be praying for you,phyllis

  37. 1st Man says:

    Rick, I’m new to the blog, coming over here from Run A Round Ranch…I am going back to look through the amazing and wonderful photographs your beautiful wife shared. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through, but know that two more people you’ve never met are sending thoughts of comfort to you from across the miles.

  38. ulli says:

    My deepest condolences,
    Ulli

  39. Hannah says:

    Sorry for your loss, Rick, she brought so much sunshine into your life, and many beautiful memories, I’m sure. May the Lord bring you much comfort.

  40. thesmittenimage says:

    I am so sorry for your deep loss. Wishing you strength to get through it.

  41. I’m so sorry for your loss . Like Masha says … I think you ‘ve heard her call in the night… My thoughts are with you.

  42. Teresa says:

    I’ve absent from blogging for a while, and I’m coming back to this sad news. I know how much I’ve enjoyed Pat and her cheerful posts. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. Blessings as you move forward.

  43. Dearest Rick, even though we have never met, I am sending you all our love from Australia at this terrible time. You write so well on Pat’s blog thank you for letting us all know.
    Our thoughts are with you, Pat you will be missed.
    Wren x

  44. Joyful says:

    I’M deeply sorry for your loss. May God’s big arms be around you as you grieve the loss of your dearest one. x

  45. pattisj says:

    And such a beautiful, contagious smile. God bless you and comfort you through this time of transition.

  46. I am so sorry, Rick. I only met Pat in the blogosphere but so enjoyed her optimistic view of the natural world. May she rest in peace, and may you be comforted by her memory.

  47. Coloring Outside the Lines says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I haven’t been by the blog lately, and was shocked to read she has passed. Wishing you comfort and peace.

  48. Mary says:

    I ´m deeply sorry… ! I never met Pat in real life but I loved her wonderful photos! She will be remembered!

  49. LizSB says:

    What very sad news! I am so sorry for your loss. Pat was a beautiful soul, a gifted photographer, a regular visitor to my blog and always left such kind & encouraging messages.
    My prayers are with you at this time. She will definitely be remembered and missed.

  50. Jim says:

    Dear Rick.
    I was just thinking about Pat because I was reading one of her comments from two years ago on my blog.
    And I saw your entry here. Please accept my heartfelt condolences, Rick. Pat was a staple in this household and we would daily enjoy her photos and her outlook on life. I always looked forward to her comments.
    Thank you for posting a photo of her. She looks exactly as I thought she would with a smile and a vest for life.
    Again, we send you positive healing energy.
    Thank you for doing this for Pat’s followers. She will be sorely missed.
    Jim Cuvelier

  51. Jim is reading your posts to me as I type ~ so so so very sorry to hear this ~ thanks so much for letting us see Pat!! She really was so loving and special. Sophie, my Labradoodle, nudges me as I listen and type. Massive hugs and please take care!!!
    Ron Troke

  52. reocochran says:

    ♡ I am very late to express my sadness, Rick.
    I held Pat in my prayers for some time and did not realize how long time passed by. Busy life, many directions pulled.
    Your wife was a blessing to many who cherished her artistic “eye” shown through her photographs and special way about her. I realize no words may be truly a replacement for her. I hope you find comfort in the peace that pass eh all understanding. God must need her talent and love now in Heaven. I hope you sense her, feel her love. Her words saying YOU will need the strength show such love for you, insight and understanding. Hugs, Robin

  53. Carletta says:

    Rick, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have been away from blogging for quite some time. Pat’s blog is one I would always come to for inspiration as I did this evening. As bloggers we hardly ever meet in real life but somehow our day to day sharing makes us family. Her photography made me strive to always try harder in mine. I hope somewhere along the way I told her that. As you find your way may God bestow his blessings upon you.

  54. Just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing since Pat’s passing. The holidays are always hard so I hope you were able to get through them okay. Please let people know how you are doing.


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